I spoke Greek before I ever learned English.  My birth and early years in Brooklyn were immersed in the language and culture of my immigrant grandparents and our extended family.  “Why teach her English?” my parents reasoned, “she’ll learn it fast enough when she is older.” So true. I was four years old when we emerged from that urban ethnic cocoon and were instantly submerged into middle class, English-only America. The shock of moving to a small New Jersey town left me speechless–literally. No one spoke Greek and I didn’t speak English.

Without exaggeration, this was traumatic. The first day that neighborhood children came to play, I was considered strange and branded as different. I wanted to fit in, and communication was the key. I dropped Greek and quickly learned English, refusing to speak my native tongue at home and only to my grandparents. Years of weekly Greek school lessons were detested, as it was a reminder that I was “not like the other kids.” My defaced and marked-up Greek language primers were an outward symbol of my inner conflict.

Fast forward. I have traveled to Sparta four times in the past five years and I am going again in May. I am desperate to regain my language skills. With every trip, I foolishly hoped that immersion would work its magic and that I would wake up in Sparta with a fluent four-year old’s vocabulary–certainly not admirable, but passable. After all, this is my native language. It’s all up there, floating around in the grey matter, isn’t it? Reading articles such as this one reassured me that I was not alone, yet I was being unrealistic. We most certainly can–and we often do–forget our first tongue.

Determined to do better, I have enrolled in private online Greek language lessons. I have doubled up on the lessons, two per week for twenty weeks.  Despite many hours of study, I am struggling mightily. The verb tenses are making me tense, and the multiple formats of nouns are confusing and exasperating. After 10 weeks of frustration, I have designed and fine-tuned these color-coded “cheat sheets” for nouns and verbs. Except for those pesky irregulars and exceptions, they work!

Verb Cheat Sheet

Nouns Cheat Sheet

Many native Greeks speak English (children learn in school, and are fluent by graduation), and a non-Greek speaking tourist can get by quite nicely. But, I am not a tourist. When I am in Sparta, I have work to do, family to visit, and books and articles to read. Although I am blessed by good friends and cousins who cheerfully help with translation, I am losing out by not being able to read and communicate. Many older people (the ones who know our family history!) speak only Greek, and there are historical writings such as village histories, which are of significance.

I am halfway through my 20-week course and slowly feeling a bit more confident. This summer, I won’t be fluent but I hope to be understandable. It’s easy to lament my childish rejection of the language, but that won’t bring it back. I am reading those primers now and smiling at the full circle that I have made.